Sorry I’m late dudes and hookers. I got caught up doing nothing.

I didn’t feel like doing a screenshot, so I cut & pasted. You’re fine with it. Shut up.

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

30

Timestamp: 2008-12-24 23:20:58 UTC

Comment number thirty belongs to the delightful and horny Miss Nicole. Congrats Nicole! *insert wild applause and random dancing* Show your new Throbbin’ Robbin to your mother-in-law-to-be and maybe she’ll stop being wicked to you. On second thought, don’t do that. She’s probably evil because she’s not having enough horizontal motion and she’ll try to steal your toy.

My condolensces to those who did not win, especially Derfina, who put up a valiant fight for the purple stick to keep her company during her hubby’s long absences.

A big thank you to everyone who participated and myself for being cool and Eden Fantasys for sponsoring this whole shindig.

There’s some sort of mule deer Nascar race going on outside. Deer are circling our house. I need to go have a word with them. There’s a pile up now. And a baby! I knew if I waited long enough that something interesting would happen today.

Now if you don’t mind, I have more nothing to do.

I can’t keep a damn promise. Or a secret. Just ask anyone who has ever received a gift from me.

Me: Do you wanna know what it is?

Person: No!

Me: Yeah, I think you do. Here, I’ll go get it.

Person: NO! Just wait one hour for the party and I can open it then. Good Lord Erin.

Me: *giggling uncontrollably* It’s Guitar Hero!

Person: Jesus Christ.

Anyway. I have no reason for sharing that. Except that I guess I said I wasn’t posting until the winner is announced, but see, I lied.

I just felt like reminding you that the sex toy extravaganza (sponsored by Eden Fantasys), wherein I give one lucky mofo the Throbbin’ Robbin to complete his or her collection of items that ride around in his or her pants with him or her, will soon be coming to an end.

The contest will end Wednesday December 24 at 11:59 AM MST. To enter please read the post below and do not enter in this post dammit or I will kill you until you are dead dead dead as a doornail.

Doornail?

I’ve decided to become Australian. I have my reasons people. They involve Missy Higgins and accents. And kangaroos. The only problem with this decision is that I don’t do traveling. I wish Australia could come to me. Another problem I just realized: I hate Nicole Kidman. And Keith Urban. Damnation.

The sponsor: Eden Fantasys

The rules: You may enter as many times as you like, thereby admitting to yourself and others that you are a kinky bastard, by leaving a comment in this post. For your comment content, please pretend you are a world-renowned erotic author and share the title and/or a sentence from your next novel. If you enter one million and three times then you’ll need one million and three novel titles or sentences. I will then steal all of your ideas and put them in my own novel. Thank you.

Contest ends Wednesday December 24 at 11:59 AM MST. The winner will be randomly selected using the random.org generator thingamabob and announced at 2 PM MST (same day).

I will be posting absolutely nothing between now and the contest’s end.  Merry freaking Christmas.

The loot:

The Throbbin’ Robin

Highlights I stole from the description:

It has a BIRD on it! Just what everyone wants on their personal appliances. He appears to be a Hummingbird rather than a Robin, but Throbbin’ Hummingbird doesn’t have the same VaVaVaVoom. Who cares though? It’s a BIRD!

It’s purplish. And pretty. It lights up. If your kids find it they’ll think it’s a flashlight. Just say you got it on QVC and they’ll pass out from boredom.

It throbs. I don’t know what throbbing is, as I’ve only read about that sort of thing in my smut novels and I don’t think it really exists, but they say it throbs so dammit it throbs.

Spinning beads, thrusting delight, arousing tickler, ergonomic grip.

Why I chose it: The bird. And the reviews.

Why you want it: You’re a kinky bastard.