Getting an early start (contest)

I can’t stop laughing!!!

The title of my novel will be:

DECORATIONS AND THE BIRD (sound familiar??)

hey, how can i get in on this contest. Can I throw my throbbing towel in the ring?? I think that would be a better Christmas present for MLS than a pink dyson vacuum…..don’t you???? Although that vac has some awesome sucking power!!!!! but it doesn’t light hmmmmmm, I’ll have to think on that one…..

p.s. That thing kind of scares me. It looks like a space ship about the launch. Look at all those controls. Would I have to say “BLAST OFF”? Or maybe “Houston, We have a problem”? Or maybe “Holy Crap, what is that throbbing thing??”

Yowza!

Gaw—-does it look like HBL and I have nothing better to do tonight? LOL

Bah ha!! A space ship.

You know, I love those kinky romance female masturbatory aides, they crack my shit up.

“An Eric thrusted his throbbing, rock hard member into Veronica’s (the girl is always named Veronica, or Cindy, or something)tight, dripping pink folds while she rubbed her…” yea well you get the idea.

They never use normal gential words like pussy, vagina, penis, dick…sometimes they use cock. I dunno, it makes me laugh. I don’t have any myself, but my grandma likes to read them while on the john and I like to pick them up and play “Find the Sex Scene” where you essentially just flip open the book and close your eyes and flip through the book from font to back and back and forth and when the moment feels right you stop. 60% chance you will stop on a sex scene.

Hi there. Sparky the Wonder Twat here to promote my new novel, The Innocent Bystander vs. the Throbbin’ Robin!

…he slid his purple shaft up my pink tunnel of love whilst his little purple beak pecked at my pink pearl of happiness…

“UCK. FAY. EEEEE. MAY.” she gasped as she tried to draw herself AWAY. FROM. THE. COMPUTER.

Bah ha, pink pearl of happiness…classic!

SEX JOKE TIME! I found this one…I found it ammusing…

“Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, the guy tells Ford, “Well, you’ve been such a good guy and your invention the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven.”

So Henry Ford thinks about it and says, “I want to hang out with Adam, the first man.” So the guy at the gates points Adam out to Ford. When Ford gets to Adam, Ford asks, “Hey aren’t you the inventor of woman?” Adam says, “Yes.”

“Well,” says Ford, “You have some major design flaws in your invention:

1) There is too much front end protrusion
2) It chatters at high speeds
3) The rear end wobbles too much
4) and the intake is too close to the exhaust.”

“Hmmmmm..” says Adam, “Hold on.” So Adam goes to the celestial computer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the results. The computer prints out a slip of paper and Adam reads it. He then says to Ford, “It may be that my invention is flawed, but according to the stellar computer, more men are riding my invention than yours.”"

Ohhhh, the word throbbing is soooo hot.
I am so getting batteries!

Oooooooh! I hope I win this! Hey, what does a lesbian on a diet eat? Jenny Craig! Lol

Dude! It’s a bird! I love it! It beats my mermaid one that I got to scare the shit out of my husband but works fantastic and I read the reviews. But If I get this I’m going to give it to my friend who hasn’t had sex since May because she continues to stay with her boyfriend who won’t give her love because she’s gained to much weight.

Anyway if I was going to make a title for an erotic novel it would be:
Adam and Ethan - who needs a woman?

And this is only because I like that kind of porn. Come on kinky bastards.

My Lord and Master, Master Tom allowed me to ask to enter and request the The Throbbin’ Robin. I shall useith and enjoy each moment he wants.

It DOES give a whole new meaning to “pecker”

I never heard of it, but it is a hoot — and I love PRIZES!

“It DOES give a whole new meaning to “pecker””

Bah ha!!

Oh my, this has made me observe some other things on the site, and I noticed there are no just plain dildos so I took the liberty of getting on adam and eve and found some of the most mind boggling dildo’s ever. There is one that is 12 inches long and 2 and a half inches in diameter…damn! I think that would be painful.

Oh yeah, sign me up. I am definitely one dirty bastard.

\Come hither,\ she cried. \Nestle thyself in my garden of earthly delights\.

“Watch the fuckin’ BEAK!” she screamed!

“HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT THING?” he exclaimed. “That doesn’t GO THER…er…Oh!”

“Turn the mirror, darling,” she purred. “I want to watch the light show. Those red and blue lights put me over the edge every time.” *throws head back in ecstacy*

“Hey baby” she whispered. “Is that an ergonomic grip in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

“You want to put your WHAT in my WHERE? WHOA BABY—Does he think he’s going to peck BUGS outta there?”

Bad pick up line time!

“Let’s get drunk and take advantage of each other. Or, I could get drunk and you could just take advantage of me. OR, you can stay here and get drunk and I can go home and take advantage of myself. Either way, it’s up to you. “

“Would you fuck me if I was going to die soon? Well, I’ve got a bomb in my pants.”

“I’ll give you a nickel to tickle my pickle. ”

This one made me laugh

“Do you like magic? (Yes or No) I want to cast a spell on you with my magic meat wand.”

“Why don’t we try an Australian kiss, it’s like a french kiss, but down under”

“The call me coffee, cause I grid so fine”

Okay…MARIO PICK UP LINES!!

“Are you a magic feather? Because my heart just grew a tail, and flew away.”

“If you were a warp tube, I’d be in you all day.”

“I’d rather ride you than Yoshi any day.”

bahahahaha

“You don’t have to turn on a game to play with me.”

OMG! So dirty…

(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.

Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you!

And finally, beavis and butt-head pickup lines

Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.”

You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever.

Hey, are you one of those chicks who goes out with guys right off the bat? ‘Cause that’s what I’m looking for..

Uh I’m like a doctor, uh an orthodontist, I’m gonna have to ask you to, ya know, uh take off your clothes.

Hey, baby

So, as you can see, none of my comments have contained a title or name for a novel. Just thought I would throw some lame pick up line humor and things of that nature.

Oh, what the hell, I will follow the rules…or at least try.

Hello, I’m Muffy Moaner and I just thought I would introduce my new book “The Erect Fortress” to all the kinky females who need that little boost to get going before they break out the lovely “Throbbin Robin” vibrator. Here is a brief excerpt from the book.

“Miss Swallows! I need you immediately!” bellowed Prince Ima Cummings. Veronica ran into the room and her low collared dress could barely contain her heaving breasts. “Yes, my lord?” Veronica inquired. *let’s cut to the chase shall we?*

Prince Ima Cummings had an incredible body and a quick wit and he quickly convinced the hesitant and busty Veronica into his bed. “Ima, I don’t know about this…” Veronica whispered in a shaky voice as she fell into the prince’s bed. “Sh, I will do all of the work darling,” the prince purred. Ima dived under Veronica’s dress and thrust his tongue into her pink mound and she instantly yelled in pleasure…”

Oh my…that’s all. Buy the book at any local store.

Lol…how awkward

I want to know how women can actually write these things!! This reminds me of…damn what movie was it? Was it 10 things I Hate About You where the guidance counselor tends to neglect her advisees and continually writes a simply hilarious romance novel?? I can’t remember…it’s funny though!! I think someone should write a romance novel and the people involved are the really weird people who you could just never imagine having sex ever and have it be the most awkward story ever…I would read it, but then again…I’m kind of odd.

Title: Kinky Kat
“He pleaded with her to bring out her toy box again, but she had grown bored with them - something new was needed to make it really interesting.”

And - I just have to say - the word verif phrase below says, “Flick JOHNSON” No kidding.

HAHAHAHA! Flick Johnson…it’s like…it knooowws…I had a sexual one as well the other day…something member, but I can’t remember the first word. Captcha=amusing

Title: “Pearls of Wisdom” by Pecker Wood.

ROFL@HBL and MLS!! Geez I never thought of a pink vaccuum as a sex toy before. LOL MLS, if HBL comes at you tonight with a gleam in his eye and the vacuum in the other you’d better run!!

Okay I definitely could use that bird thing. And yes I’m a kinky bastard.

captcha is Sup Hollins. Sounds like I’m from the hood. Walkin’ down the street, see my homie and I’d say, “sup Hollins.”

LOL

Okay so here’s my opening line from my steamy novel:

Gloria paused as she shook the snow from her coat. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and she had no idea how sexy she looked as she hung her coat on the rack next to the door. She glanced across the room, and heat sprang from her loins as her eyes met those of the handsome stranger sitting on the stool at the end of the bar. She could feel his eyes roaming her face and body, undressing her with his eyes. She didn’t realize that her eyes had grown heavy with desire as she felt his gaze raking her form. Her lips parted as her breath caught in her throat when the sexy man at the bar slowly stood up and came towards her, his eyes never leaving her face.

::Fanning self:: Whew…now I need a cold shower. And that toy, damn it. LOL

I was looking at other toys on Eden’s Fantasy’s and some of those suckers look frightening with like spikes and poky shit everywhere. *eek!!* This one, although still intimidating, looks much friendlier. But, still a bit like a rocket ship like someone above me said a while back.

Now Erin, you’ve gone and gotten me all curious about these things ha ha! If I’m unlucky (and I always am) and do not win this little bugger I might have to invest in one all on my own just to see what all the hype is about…I think the boy might like it.

Good gosh, I think Nicole and Derfina REALLY want to win this here throbbin robin. I hope their significant others get the message and buy them one!!

ROFLMAO @ MM

Lawls, my boyfriend finds this incredibly amusing…hmm..I want a cheezburger…

Title: The Cat That Ate the Canary (get it?!) cat as in pussy, canary as in bird…yeah, okay, I just woke up, gimme a break ;0)

“I began to cry out, as waves of pleasure filled my every orifice, the bird that won, I had cum, and as my clit twitched in the orgasmic afterglow, the bird somehow looked on in victory”

Title: Robbin’(Clitoral)Hood

Okay, one more and I’m done, I swear..

Title: Bobbin’ on my Robbin’: One Girl’s Account of Orgasmic Toyism

Derfina roughly pushed Nicole down. “You want some of this?” she asked as she suggestively slid the bulbous purple head back and forth along Nicole’s quivering lower lip.

“You want it bad, don’t you, little girl?” She grabbed Nicole by HER ergonomic grip and looked deep into her eyes. “TELL ME” she demanded. “Tell me what you want me to do with it!”

LAWLS!!!

“THAT” Derfina said sternly, “Is NOT an acceptable answer.” She waved the Throbbin Robin menacingly at Nicole and growled “WHO’S YO’ DADDY, BITCH?”